Creative Commons License photo credit: greeblie

I always thought my decision making skills were pretty good. If I was having trouble making a decision I would stop waffling, step back and ask myself which choice would be the hardest to undo if it were wrong. Then I’d choose the other.

The result of this is that I have no piercings, no tats, and no baroque plaster statues with clocks embedded in their stomachs. You can’t get un-pierced or un-tattooed, you’ll always have it in your past, even if you let the piercing grow in or get the tattoo removed.

And the clock? Just try to return something like that. Okay, I never bought one so I’ve never tried to return one, but I imagine it wouldn’t be easy.

Good so far, I guess …

But a conversation with a friend yesterday led me to have a different thought on the matter. She said that she had always told her children that she expected them to make mistakes. She also told them that making a mistake was learning, she would do her best not to be angry about whatever that mistake was. But making the same mistake twice wasn’t learning. In fact it was specifically not learning and she warned them that such behaviour would incur her wrath.

I thought about that for a minute and came to the conclusion that she had given her children a wonderful gift. The right to make mistakes. The right to try something and not feel guilty if it didn’t work out.

ADHD makes you fear

I know I had that facility as a young man, the knowledge that I could make a mistake without guilt. But somehow I’d stopped using it along about the time that I got a job, got married, and bought a house. I’d stopped using it, but I hadn’t lost it. It was there all along, I was just choosing the easiest path each time.

My fear of making mistakes was that same old ADHD fear of being different, not fitting in. I didn’t have that fear as a child, I had somehow acquired it latter. I wanted to fit in, so I chose the path that I thought would be most like the path everyone else chose, or the one that was the easiest to change if it turned out to be wrong.

What mistakes and decisions have in common …

I now feel that being afraid to make a mistake has left me afraid to make a decision. At least it’s left me afraid to make the bold decisions. I think it’s time I made a few of those. I think it’s time I chose to live my life. I think it’s time for a tattoo, or an earring. I’m still not buying any baroque plaster statue clocks.

Maybe I’ll just do something adventurous. If anyone has any ideas, I’m open to suggestions. The point is that, whatever it is, I’m going to do it without fearing that it might be a mistake.

Stay tuned, I promise I’ll keep you posted.

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    Last reviewed: 25 Jan 2012