Today is not a special day. It's just another day. I have lots of days that just aren't special at all. They're just days.
But every day of my life has two things in common that are rather special and that I'd like to talk about here. And those two things are connected.
Every day I feel the negative effects of my ADHD. And every day I proactively document positive things about my life to combat the depression and anxiety that the negative effects of ADHD cause in my life.
More than two years ago I started writing down a few things that I love every day. I did it on Facebook, sort of a way of making myself responsible for continuing.
I've been told that I have anger management issues, and I can't even begin to tell you how ticked off that made me feel.
Apparently some people believe that those of us with ADHD get angry easier and more often than people without.
The truth for me is that I get angry when I'm frustrated. And if I'm frustrated by someone unable to understand that I'm not angry … well, it's a pointless debate for me to engage in because I can't win. If I'm right, the frustration will soon leave me angry and then no one will believe I'm not angry, because I no longer am. Not angry, that is.
Sometimes life seems overly complicated. Sometimes it is brought on by my own actions. And sometimes it just seems that life's complications catch up to me.
Sometimes life isn't complicated. But it's been my experience that that will never last, I'll complicate it.
I know that when it seems like life's complications catch up to me, it's usually the result of my not having paid attention. I might have recognized the trouble coming, if I'd taken the time to assemble the clues on the calendar and in my mind.
I'm designing a poster today. Actually, I'm shifting a couple of trailers around and designing a poster. Okay, I'm helping move some tables and chairs and shifting a couple of trailers around and designing a poster.
You know what though, I'm actually having a practice session with my musical partner and helping to move some tables and …
Okay, I'm busy. But in addition to the things on my list, there are things that just come up. And I can't walk away from them for some reason.
I'm a quiet kind of guy. I don't really have a lot to say. And that's true of today too. I really shouldn't be writing a blog post. I got nothing.
So, half that opening paragraph was a lie. It's true that I often don't have anything to say, but it's pretty rare that that stops me from running my mouth.
And even if I do have some small thing to say, I am often guilty of saying too much.
Let me tell you a little story. I could start this story with the words “You all know that I have ADHD, right?” But I think I'll just tell the story and you consider the impact of ADHD as you read it.
I do all kinds of freelance work. I work for a local online magazine called owensoundhub.org. I write for them, and for Psych Central, and I write freelance articles and copy for websites. And I have photographs available for people to use for various purposes.
And last Thursday I decided I needed some stock photos of some fire damage that had occurred in my city as a result of an arson spree. One of the places that the arsonists had tried to light up, but that extinguished itself, was on my list.
I'll tell you this much for free, I don't mind hard work. In fact, I enjoy the sense of accomplishment.
But I do hate doing more than I should have had to do because of my ADHD. And this week has been bad for that.
“What's that about?” you ask? Well, let me just tell you.
When I'm working unsupervised, which is most of the time, several things that can be directly attributed to ADHD symptoms can make extra work for me.
I am aware that there is a disconnect between the systems that determine guilt and punishment, and the systems that would be needed to remediate the failed aspects of a person's makeup that allow criminal behavior.
I'm also aware that the percentage of people with ADHD is significantly higher among inmates of correctional facilities than the percentage of same in the "free" world.
And this makes me aware that we punish after the fact, rather than repair before the need for punishment. The so called “correctional systems” that encompass arrest, trial and punishment are meant to be a deterrent. Rarely do these systems actually rectify the issues and characteristics that cause the problems they are in place to deal with.
So, I'm on holidays. And it's great. I'm writing my blog, I'm doing little technical things for the online magazine I work for, I'm taking pictures and posting them to social media, and doing more technical things for the online magazine I work for, and writing my blog again, and doing more technical things … well, you get the picture, I'm sure.
I'm also moving back and forth from the lake house where holidays happen, and home, where theoretically holidays don't happen. That's because there are work things that need to be done.
So some people, friends on social media, know that I'm supposed to be on holidays, and they know that I'm still working. And someone asked me what would I do if I went on holidays and couldn't work. And without thinking I replied "Go home."
I've finally found something that I can concentrate on, focus on, pay attention to ... It's not a good thing.
I'm having some breathing troubles … again. And it's not easy to ignore the feeling that there's no oxygen in the room.
As a person with ADHD who has a fair share of the hyperactive attributes in his combined type mix, I often discover that my breath is being kept from me when I become active.