“I’ll never do that again.”
“I used to be addicted, but now I can limit myself to just one drink.”
Lies are a natural and virtually automatic way of life for addicts. As a result of denial and diseased thinking, addicts (often very convincingly) lie to their loved ones to keep them around, to the world to avoid stigmatization, and to themselves to preserve their drug habit. They lie about the big things and the small things – to feel important, to avoid rejection or judgment, to keep up appearances – until they’ve created a fantasy life that is far more tolerable than their current reality.
The dishonesty, though understandably hurtful to others, serves a purpose in the addict’s life. If they stopped lying, they’d have to quit drinking or using drugs and face a shameful pile of hurt they’ve inflicted on the people they love. That’s quite a load to bear, especially for the addict who is complacent about getting sober or who tries to face their past alone. It’s much easier to hide emotions, keep up the double life and continue using.
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DAVID – OUTSTANDING ARTICLE!
I USE YOUR WORK AT NSM FOR REQUIRED READING & EDUCATION ~ THANKS
I have often had clients in recovery who struggled with lying. I would tell them they were lying to themselves since I knew the truth based on our therapeutic relationship. Recovery is the process of discovering your truths and then living these same truths as you are always in recovery. When a person believes his lies, is that not the truth at that moment? As you said it is a process to unlearn a habit. It takes much soul searching even without sobriety issues to walk in the truth. It is a way of being versus doing…
Great post. Recently had a lady whose parents were trying to stop her drinking; but in the process were telling her half truths and outright lies. She started to figure out she wanted some truth and honest in her life which was a great starting point for recovery. Just to say that rigorous honesty standard also necessary for the codependents in recovery.
One issue that is just ridiculous to debate with people dealing with active chemical dependency is them asking for controlled substances, especially in categories they are actively abusing, ie alcoholics asking for benzos, cocaine addicts asking for stimulants, and heroin addicts asking for opiates.
I don’t know what is worse though, the patients denying it is an issue of risk, or the other colleagues I work with who just give out such prescriptions meds and then dump their poor choices onto psychiatrists like me to fix.
Sometimes honesty goes beyond the addict, it has to be equally faced by the enablers and codependents the addict is not acknowledging as risks to recovery. And, it is time for providers who prescribe to completely accept that controlled substance prescription use should be the last ones written for if involving an addict.
Hey, such meds should be a last resort for anyone coming into the office with problems that might involve such an RX. Oh, and why are providers writing for multiple controlled sub types treating one patient? I have seen several patients of late on a stimulant, opiate, and benzo together by a non psychiatrist prior.
Yeah, thanks for the headache, colleagues!
Thank you for publishing this.
Mrs. has been from Re-Hab for a little over 90 days, and we keep hearing all these just nutty lies that come back from other people.
I have been trying to make sense . . . so I guess the lies just means she is struggling? Re-Hab took away her coping tools, and so now lying is the new addiction?
Our daughter says “Momma has QUITE an active imagination.”